Cross words and compromises 

Cross words and compromises. Is what life is like after marriage. Is what life is like after bringing a child into the world. For us that happened within six months of each other so the change is quite prevalent. Before Lil G arrived Mr H and I rarely had cross words. Our biggest compromises were; who would choose the holiday destination, the restaurant, who’s turn was it to walk the dog, who would go to the shop when the milk ran out or worse still the teabags! Or even which silly hat to wear at midnight on New Years Eve in Bangkok on our honeymoon…

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And before rolling your eyes or thinking she’s moaning about having a child’. No I am not. That is absolutely not the case. I love being a mummy. I adore my gorgeous George, or Georgeous as we call him. For those of you that follow this online journal of mine, my thoughts, will know that this is not the case at all! That I do love my boy. With all my heart.

Let’s be honest to say that you a) don’t have cross words and/or b) don’t make compromises would be a little white lie if not a big FAT porky pie. If you said that having children doesn’t change you or life around you. Of course it does. Physically, emotionally but also how you live your life. Changes, sacrifices, whether good or bad. The way you view life, situations, your perspective on things. So much does change and again not always for the worst. So much for the better. Having a child to a degree is just like a marriage, it is a commitment, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. I stand by these promises.

If I am honest, I don’t believe that simply getting married would have changed us, I can’t be certain of course as unknowingly we were pregnant on our wedding day, and what with premature birth, Lil G arrived some four months after finding out! So we never did have time, just us after getting married. Putting it into simple terms, can a piece of paper really change you? Or the way you view things. For us, No. We already shared bank accounts, we pooled our incomes, we lived as a unit, we bought our first property after being together for 6 months. The truth is, that very quickly after becoming Mr & Mrs, we were no longer a two. We were a family unit. There was a special little someone to consider.

Cross words and compromises is what married life is like after having a child. Well, it is for us. Maybe my judgement is clouded by the Threenager years Lil G is currently treating us too or maybe this is just the way it will always be. Many a day we agree and many a day we disagree. I think that’s parenting. That doesn’t mean that we sit there disagreeing over every detail, or shouting, arguing or battling. But we do differ in our parenting styles, in our approach, we do have cross words and more recently I had to compromise on the wallpaper in my new bedroom!

So there you have it, cross words and compromises. As I write this post, on a Tuesday night, we have had a cross word. Lil G is refusing to sleep (20:34pm), because Nanny has allowed him to sleep in the day. Mr H suggested he watched a little something on the iPad whereas I, oh no, like every other night believe he should settle himself off to sleep. Why is tonight any different? The little monkey has spotted that we are both tired and boom he has hit us with an alternative.

Why did there seem to be a rule book for everything apart from marriage after children? There is a rule book for life after having a child. But not for marriage after having a child. If you have one then please do share it with me. Or is this normal? Am I, as Mr H would say over analysing the situation?

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KA x 

 

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16 thoughts on “Cross words and compromises 

  1. Ross and I go through this ALL of the time – and I have to say that I think that it only serves to make our relationship stronger and proof that we can argue in a sensible way! Thank you for linking to #PoCoLo and I am glad to know I am not the only one x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Cross words and compromises are a reality in relationships. Full Stop. Whether before or after children this will happen over time. The Hubby and I have been together for nearly 13 years, married for nearly 8 of those. Being in a relationship is compromise itself, trying to make your partner happy sometimes means putting your own needs to the back of the queue. Yes, when children enter the equation things get more complicated and more compromises are necessary. But perhaps don’t look at it with a negative light, try to see it as a good thing. You are all getting something you want, if you’re not it’s not a good compromise. Working together as a family unit requires compromise from everyone, including children.

    My boys are older now (10 and 5) and understand that they can’t have everything they want all of the time. The Hubby and I know this too. I think sometimes you just have to let it go because otherwise it could eat you up inside and cause more cross words.

    Great post. #PoCoLo xx

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  3. Oh I think having babies throws everything out! I think with anything, there’s a period of readjustment but I find this seems to be normal (for me) in the cycle of life anyway. It is DEFINITELY harder to consider a family unit than when it’s just you or you as a couple!

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  4. Totally agree. Throw in responsibility for another human and it’s much harder to agree to disagree when you have different views on exactly how that human should be brought up! I also find myself bristling when I realise that his way is possibly a better way in a given situation (not that this happens often you understand, but it’s been known to occur from time to time!) .

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  5. It’s so true, me and my wife were the same, but it wasn’t until our second child was born that we started to have the cross words and compromises. Everything gelled with our first, she was planned and prepared for and she was easier than we expected to raise so we could only focus on the positives. George was an accident at quite possibly the worst time of our lives and we took all of the frustration out on each other rather than just realising we were tired, stressed and conflicted; subsequently we keep focussing on the negatives. Every now and again, though, right in the middle of a bust up George says or does the most adorable thing and all is forgotten, for a second at least anyway.

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  6. Ahh I love this post darling. So true our relationships dip and change when we have children fully. It’s hard to share all our time with everyone and keep them all happy all the time and still make time for our partners too. It’s an endless battle here to please all. Love all your family photos here especially the beach one. So beautiful. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme

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  7. Our relationship has definitely changed since having children- there’s no denying that and I think everyone’s does. We don’t have as much time for each other anymore, plus we are tired non stop. We went from being each other’s everything, to having to share our love with two other little people. We argue so much more than we ever did, and we bicker constantly. But at the same time, our love has deepened and grown- we have become a family and there is something so special about looking at our girls and knowing that they are little bits of both of us. Great post hun. x

    Liked by 1 person

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