They say love is a pretty powerful drug. It draws you in. Leaving you suspended in time. With hopes and dreams that leave you reaching for the stars. For me that is this wonderful world of blogging. If only everyone understood and stopped judging me.
What’s love got to do with it? (I can’t help but sing that line out loud). Well without love you have no passion, without passion there’s no feeling and without feeling there will be no emotion. I write with emotion. With feeling. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I always have and I always will. Blogging has become one of the things I love. It goes without saying that my boys come first, quickly followed by my blog.
This blog is my space, I started this new chapter of my life over 12 months ago as I needed something. Something to be passionate about. Something just for me. It’s much more than that now. It’s my little online space. My corner of the world where I am able to escape. For a few moments or hours. Where I write about my thoughts, whether that be about life as a mummy, a working parent and a wife. A place where I share what I love whether that be fashion, lunch boxes or tea cups! It’s also a place where I have met some fabulous people who share a similar passion as I do. It feels like a space free from judgement. A space where I can be me and not one where I have to apologise or hold back.
Some days I do worry, that I’m over sharing and other days I know that what I write draws people in. Those are the people I want to surround myself with. The people who get my online space. Or those that want to know more about it. Those people who don’t mind my fluffy and often gooey posts. I don’t wish to share this space with the haters or those that judge me.
There are some people out there in let’s say; the real world. That don’t quite get it. That criticise the time I spend immersed in my blog. That for some reason believe it to be acceptable to talk about me and my blog, in an unpleasant way. And when I overhear this type of conversation, as I did a few days ago, I won’t lie, it hurts.
I didn’t step in. I just listened. It is clear that they don’t understand. It is clear that they are, dare I say it jealous. Or at least bored. Living in a time warp. They aren’t really the type of people who I’d call close friends. They are however my peers and if truth be told I’m the type of person that wants people to like me. To understand. To get me. Which is why it hurt.
I lost myself after becoming a mummy, Lil G was born premature and I found it extremely difficult. These friends won’t know that. They didn’t care then and they don’t care now. No-one other than a parent to a preemie could ever understand the pain of leaving your child in hospital. It still haunts me.
These people who don’t understand my obsession with blogging didn’t understand my initial journey as a parent either. Why? Because they didn’t ask. They judged. They continue to judge. I’ve made a little space for myself, a space for me to escape which has allowed me to share my thoughts, to make some wonderful friends who get me. More than that, it has helped me to gain my confidence back, it has created several opportunities for our little family and myself which have been wonderful. It’s my happy place.
Why do you judge me?
So, if you’re reading this, as I know some of you are. Can I ask that you take a step back. Think about what you said, have the gumption to knock on my door and I will explain what this little space means to me. And then I’ll shut the door. One thing for sure it means more to me than your friendship. And that’s a fact.
And for the record, here are the reasons why I am in love with my blog…
- I see something, an opportunity and instead of thinking how happy it makes me, I think about how happy it would make them
- I feel more at home online with my blogging friends than I’ve felt in a long time
- I can get all-out mad or depressed or happy or whatever it is that I’m feeling and I know it won’t change how my blogging friends feel about me
- I’m learning. I’ve learned enough to call myself a blogger and a writer
- I have moments of insecurity but their reassurance makes me realise it doesn’t matter
- I can be myself and it makes me happy, it’s fun
- It is a place where I can share my thoughts and experiences
- It is all about the community feeling
- I want to inspire others
- It is my outlet, a place where I can switch of from everyday pressures
I’m feeling a little bit mis-understood at the minute. Have you ever felt that way?